Here I am with a long broom to dust off the cobwebs, sweep away the cockroaches and rats' faeces that have taken over this page. I can see some raised eyebrows and noses puffed up the "Yimu" way like where on the sphere of the earth has this skinny yellow pawpaw being? The calls, the texts, even the facebook messages and the long scroll of twitter mentions;- "Where is @sa_eeedah?"
Your runaway bride that absconded without the trace of her gown tail.... I have till now not been able to provide an answer or answers that best fill the hollow that my absence of over a full moon left you, even babies that were christened the last time I updated on here must have been crawling. Oya let me tickle you and toss your cheeks so you will at least fake a smile for me. Seriously! Asking me what I've been up to in the past month will just leave me searching the space and counting the ceiling like in an impromptu BCH test.
Hmmm... Great 2013! Pls do not doubt me when I say the 'tongue' is the most powerful device ever known;- so strong that the words that stream from the mouth no matter how arrant sure can't return to the mouth. Leaves me wondering how those words just find their way into manifestation? With its impact unconcealably evident in our lives.
Dating back 2012 January,I spoke some words out of the coven of my melancholia. I did not just talk, I professed it and made it public. Its one thing to nurse a thought within oneself its another thing to voice it out and a more in-depth of action to generate audience from it. That is when two or more people heard or read it; with their own thoughts conjuncted with it, their assumptions, conclusions and response. Then the general Yoruba belief (don't know if for other tribes) diffuses into the matter:- "Who knows which angel was passing at the time of utterance, "Who knows which ear listened, "Who knows which unforeseen spirit sanctioned it......? Awon Aye ooo! Lolz. I spoke those words can't remember exactly how I phrased it but I know by heart what I meant. I stated somethings about being an "Anti-love";- that I won't give nor get love back bla bla bla. My dear brothers and sisters! believe me 2012 served me exactly and more of what I said. The emotional turbulence, the swallowed tears, the unanswered questions, the mirage, the uncertainties, the heart and headaches. (that one na still man matter ooo lol) and even in all other areas of my life - I just did not experience love at all not even a pinch. The few friends I chose, my school work, my social life and every other thing were badly dent and love deficient. Above all I did not commune love with myself personally. Then I knew shit was real! I tell you what; from the peak start to the bottom end of 2012 I dint know that thing called love. *heaved sigh* I tussled and wriggled through the tough thick of that year.
Unnnmmm.... Before I start steering questions and funny thoughts in your mind as to what intent am writing with? Yea my theme is 2013! I am only reflecting on how 2012 was, to have given birth to my present state in 2013. You get? [:D]
They say once beaten I say one thousand times shy (not just twice). Knowing what peace meant if not the concise basis of love yet, I just wanted to be nothing but good for myself. I pulled out free from 2012 and shed my barrels of sweat. I remembered not asking for too mch on the great crossover night of Dec.31st not even when we got to church about 15mins to 2013. I only whispered in my heart and lived on. Trust me I dropped all the baggages of 2012 not leaving one piece.
Here I am in the 11th month of my cool 2013 with peace of mind as settled waters, refreshened smiles like a new doll. I know what you are thinking right now but that's not what it is if you can relate with me... *winks*
Ask me what has made 2013 this peaceful for me, then you consider yourself on a long train to the far miles cos I won't stop at any punctuation mark.
I bless the supreme being most high, 2013 has been cool so far. As we all sure know that there's no thing as a smooth-straight path in our voyage of life. We all have the bends, sharp corners, slow drifts, rugged edges, potholes, speed bumps and even some stopover junctions. If anybody is feeling me like am feeding you in;- am not saying 2013 is perfect. There had sure being slopes and heels that I have mounted and still panting from climbing as I write. But I love the Lord for making me whole;- given the strength or I best stay the grace to personally make peace in all that I have encountered this year; yet in some times I stagger like am drunken in my possessed vigour. That is when I remember my Moma's words "No thing as strength! For we dwell in the era of divine grace as bestowed by God through His only son Jesus Christ." She is not a believer of strength but a living testimony of grace and expects me as the only nose on her face - her darling daughter to emulate her...
Ask me again about 2013? I will buy the most expensive smile in the store to tell you 2013 has been Cool. In rare times of being shaken is when you don't hear nor smell of me at all as I have just lasted. Some say Sa'eedah is lying low. My brother I accept whatever you call it and I just hope that makes up an excuse for my long silence.
In this silent time of mine that I had in the past month....Hmmmmm *talk about it*[:)] Its been so cool so far,can't say more. Talking of my truancy from work, roaming about the stores with my Ally of life @lilmizdarmy, at most times we are stuck indoor while she's glued to the TV watching seasonal movies like her life depends on it with me the most terrible person when it comes to movies. Damn I suck! I equally stay glued too with my restless self and mind vagabonding about and asking questions that only the movie directors can answer. *lmao* Texting being my #1 hobby;- I'd rather text my bulgy eyes to sleep. I can bet bet I've gat a few peeps to attest to this You know! [;)] Don't even touch neither of my phones, the keypads have gone back to their makers. Chai!
In the silent time again was "The Vacation" hmmm. Wasn't in Paris nor the Bahamas - I no even near airport. Holy Jezuz! it was the definition of a swell time. Away from my brother's nagging and @lilmizdarmy's mischief and sadly away from my darling readers that I left halfway in the thirst to read more from me. Chai I've being a bad girl. [*silly giggle*] I only hope you will find that little space in your broken heart to forgive me?
I have the bed laid and worn my scarlet lingerie ready for a makeup loving with y'all I've cut abrupt in the jelly kisses of my previous post. Loool! How #Sensual was that? I hope with this way am flirting and seducing y'all to have me back and grant this write-up even if one eye audience to read it, you will love me back and tell me into my ears how much you missed me....((((BabaNla Sensual))))
Let's dive together from the blue waters of my seemingly unending preamble to the bank of our discussion "2013". The inspiration to make y'all read this was born on the 30th of September.
I had my head bent,eyes tailing the movementt of the scissors as my Oga cut the Daviva Ankara fabric into a sokoto pattern. I nodded my head like a lizard to his explanation and tape measure calculation :- how to measure 2inches from the band waist, cutting the flap and determining the shape of the sokoto whether na straight-cut abi na pencil. My habitually restless mind was rampaging and roaming around like a mother ghost; craving for 2pm to come sharply - when I barely wait to share the grace of my solat prayer before I jet speed to buy my almighty lunch :- *Jollof rice *Vegetable garnish *Plantain and Fishes plus 50cl yellow fanta like me! Chai they say long throat na food go kill u - I say Onpe! [:p] You chop everything you no reach 50kg - I tell them (my Orobo cousins) Skinny babes rock! Somebody/Some people somewhere love me that way [;)] lmao! I don't joke with my tommy if though its so flat.
My mind travelled to my Nokia touch light phone plugged in the wall for just one spare minute to text my textables. You know na *that kind thing [;)]*.
I was jived back to life by the suddenly loud pitch of the radio, the "Koko inu iwe iroyin" Yoruba news. We know how funny they sound with their exclamations and hilarious simile. Just so the news of the death of some students murdered in the North by our country's threat sect (Boko Haram). I dint even dwell 10secs.on the news; not because I am hard heartened but because I am just used to the sad tale we listen to every morning and call NEWS. As if that wasn't enough, the mosque microphone just buzzed with the intro that even pagans know that it is death inclined "Inna li lahi wa inna ilehi rojiuna". God gives and takes, from thee we hail Unto thee we shall return. There and then my jobless mind was employed with the thoughts of how to share this.
Do not consider this an exact elegy per say, but you and I know this is LIFE! it happens everyday. In the few minutes that you've been reading this; believe me some lives have gone while in the irony of it, some lives just arose! While some are breathing their last air, some are taking in their first. #Life
So far this year, if I ask us all ----> we sure must have lost somebody. If not a directly close relative it will be a distant person that we know.
As cool as I have hyped 2013, let's not forget it kicked off with the shocking news of the death of Bisi Komolafe ;- popular Nollywood actress. Not long after the grief was another nerve shocker of Goldie and the popular Nollywood actor Festus Esiri. Ask me why this became so pertinent to write, I tell you what! I have as well had my personal share of the gnashing grief.
First kicking off with me was that call from @lilmizdarmy (my cousin) "Babe how far?" I hailed, only for the bursting tears like the start of rain. "Lamide Kunle is dead" @iam_kunleh that we still spoke about the previous day, he sent me a couple of Voice notes some months back during the January holliday. We still tweeted the #SomebodyTellKenyans trend that got massive on twitter some nights past. I ran from my room to my neighbour's shaken and stricken. I left my dinner to burn and cried into the pillow all night. I woke up at the break of the dawn to observe my Fajr prayer in wailing tears. @iam_kunleh was young and just starting life....just concluded NYSC in Oyo state to settle back in Lagos for a new life. His last BBM update read :- "Home at last" and so he slept and did not wake up again. I spent the whole Easter week mourning and bitter, couldn't compose myself to write my mid simesta test. I submitted tears soaked answer booklets and suffered eerie nights in my lone room. @lilmizdarmy was torn into shreds cos they were much closer in Ibadan while I was in school. @Uncle_Ajala (his cousin) was broken and devastated....
Another fateful afternoon @Mz_Reedah 's ping with the sad and crying smiley, not till in my updates @Mz_Harlequin wrote "RIP Stanley" The picture of his corpse from a terrible auto-accident that chopped off his eyes and snatched his life immediately; threw me breathless for a few minutes. Same Stanley on the cute dreadlocks hair that we hung out together with @Mz_Reedah munching chips and sipping fanta when we just resumed first simesta last year.
I got home after easter, sharing the news of my grief; my sisters sat me on a low chair and be like :- You remember this person? He's dead, You know that woman opposite the house? She's dead, You remember so so person? He don die! I was jaw dropped......
Still in the slumber of midnight study for PSG 487 in June, the vibrating deskphone ringtone of my Nokia 1280 made me want to swear for whoever the caller was till it turned out my elder sister @TaiEnigma. "Sa'eedah Agba Miki ti Ku" Oh my Gracious! My uncle, Mikail who would mount me on his back and throw me on the bunk bed to sleep back then when I was a toddler. I rang my mummy straight "is it true?" Finally Finally we lost him into the cold hands of Hepatic failure. Ha! I exclaimed. Moma said she was headed for church as she couldn't stand being at the burial. She implored me to be strong and thank the Lord for his life. She rebuked my sister for breaking such news during my exam. I got up to perform ablution, just fell on the praying mat counting hundreds of "Alhamdulilahi." My daddy called and asked if I have thanked God. and recited Suratul Iklas on his dead behalf.....? See what faith my folks exercised at the death of our beloved. We thanked God cos he was almost dead before the death that God out of His mercies and grace took him away peacefully that he wouldn't suffer too much pain of the sickness.
Two days later, Esther Odugbose @pweety_esta (my classmate) 's call sent me fallen weak to the ground. "You hear say Banky don die?" That was even on the morning of our PSG 403 exam. My legs were feeble and fidgeting, I flashed my mommy - she called back heard no word from me just how I was wailing profusely. She prayed and prophesied that as for me and the whole department - we shall not die but live... We had the exam and not even a word of condolence about the demise of our ex-departmental president was spoken. I wondered if our lecturers have sons at all, anyway they are still nursery school kids. Who would ever imagine the death of a grown up son in final year? After the paper we emerged to the main campus to parade all the halls with Banky's RIP placard as our last respect to him;- the same picture we flagged round the school in 200level when we were campaigning for his presidential election. What irony of life? [:(]. I was distorted and walked my bare feet to the car park. A colleague of his during their IT in UCH (ibadan) spoke of his undetected illness before his death. He was as fit as an athlete before the frost hands of death hit him.
The most recent and which I pray to Almighty Allah to be the last was the buzz from my cousin @DushAngel "Mide Iya Oloye don die" Oh God why???? A best friend to the family who's being our one and all Oyetunde Oyedeji lost his mom to an announced death in Canada, after shopping for a new footwear for him to rock to office. She lamented that the shoe was too expensive and not sure she would get it. We all made jest of Oye and his mommy. From Iya Oloye's shop of groceries, Oye would fetch bulk of provisions even to sanitary pads and distribute to us all (my cousins and I) Oye would give us the last of Iya Oloye's daily earnings when we grumble of hunger or want to buy weavons. I can't forget 2008 christmas at Iya Oloye's house when my original plan was to visit my uncle who was Iya Oloye's tenant. I ate to brim and couldn't breathe yet Iya Oloye still asked if we cared for more. I was feet numb at the news of her death. I couldn't face my friend Oye (Oloye), I indulged in texts for about a week before I gathered enough guts to pay my condolence visit. As if it was a film, Iya Oloye's picture was outside in the obituary frame, a big notebook made the condolence note which filling it was the first saddening part of the whole ordeal. Next was witnessing how she was lowered into the earth at one far end private cementary in Ologuneru. My bulgy eyes tripple sized, red hot shot from tears that I couldn't wrestle back.
The ultimate condolence being about her fulfilled but short lived life. She accomplished all her aims hastily as if she knew there was no much time to spend. The same shoes she bought for Oye on her last night was the one he wore to her burial service....
I can bet a deep sigh will follow this tale of my lost loved ones, permit me to be selfish and not ask your own side of the story too.... This is not written to make us bitter nor cry if though I cried as I wrote. This is only aimed to make us reflect on our dear lives and start thanking God if we haven't been thanking Him well. The lost ones did not offend God neither are we better than them. Its all in God's will to take them at the time He did and still retained You and I to read this at this moment.
Let's thank more than we request from God cos none of us can pay the cost of air let alone our vision, auditory and sense.
This write up costed me a whole day of house cleaning (skipped Nasfat) see if I could have an environment owned by me, a bowl of rice, stuffed vegetables (7lives), huge tail of fish and a gallon of juice;- only to be devoured, belched and slept the whole stretch of the day. Not till midnight before this long page was written in my daddy's green pen that I fapped from his desk [:p]..... I hope you appreciate what you just read and made my sleepless night worth the while after all?
Happy 2013 once again! Together we shall light the fireworks of 2014 and many more years to come....
Love You
Sa'eedah
