Excuse my pigin but I am short kisser
11. My
name is Sa’eedah Onilewura but I clipped it crisp to Sa’eedah Imam cos my father
is an Imam, my grandfather was an Imam, my great grandfather too so lets just
say that is my lineage name.
2. I
am the 9th of 11 children, one deceased. ,may her soul rest in
peace.
3. I
am the fairest in the family (Yellow pawpaw) but sadly now I have a large map
of acne overthrown on my used to be fine face. (You can suggest me better
ointment to apply thanks)
4. That
must have being because I bathed with the klin multipurpose wash and laundry
soap before my neighbour washed his singlet with it and slid it back in my
bathroom *dunno*
5. My
large eyes is the best pair of things I love most in my body (not my boobs cos
they aint big)
6. I
have been this skinny ever since I knew myself, I doubt getting any fatter
(yaaaay) Good news!
7. I
turn my head secretly when i hear them hail “Heys! Fine girl”
8. I
look in the windows of parked cars as my mirror all the time i walk pass.
9. I
walk like my mum for those of my goat friends that say I walk like a duck.
10. I
used to imagine the caricature of my daddy whenever I am faced talking with him
or he’s rendering a sermon. God forgive me.
11. I
am a typical Yoruba girl from the suburbs of Osogbo, Osun state but its top fun
pretending to be Hausa for my lecturers.
12. On
a Friday, I once scared the security officials of my school with my hijaby
dressing like that of a bomber and I told them I was from Yobe state.
13. I
am 50% hijaby, 50% an urban dresser but the hijab fits me more. Makes me look….
14. I
speak a lot of Yoruba, I type in pigin and rain loud Yoruba curses on my
friends.
15. I
can be noisy AF! It sets the demons in me free.
16. I
detest speaking hyper-corrected English (phoneh) but I spit a lot of
descriptive jargons. It makes sense after all tho.
17. I
love music so much I have lyrics of songs written in all my school notes.
18. I
went celibate for a year after my dis-virginity.
19. Yes
we can kiss on first date. Call me whatever!
20. I
switched between both personality traits from birth, growing up and now. I was
born sanguine but now permanently phlegmatic, could be melancholia when I miss
and mourn my sister.
21. No
I cant get over the demise of my sister!
22. I
can be so freaking blunt but it takes me a long time processing what to say.
23. Yes
I usually rehearse what to say or write in my head before utterance; my phone
calls and texts too.
24. I
learnt cursive handwriting for 5 years in the secondary school. I am a slow
writer and reader.
25. My
fingers and my wrist are the psycho-sexual erogenous area of my body. I believe
my heart, brain, mind and soul is tied to it.
26. I
love to text and write a lot.
27. I
send average of 40 sms in a day to many people; mostly boys.
28. My
hotline is glo and text message is free.
29. I
call less and ping less once you reply my first text, then you are in for
endless texting.
30. I
convey the depth of my mind via text, my future husband should probably propose
to me via text.
31. Still
on texting, I text so much the keypad of my phone wrecks in a trimester after
newly purchased.
32. And
Yes! they are boys including my daddy, uncle and cousin that I text on a daily;
few girls.
33. My
brain as I earlier stated is tied to my right radio-ulnar joint (my right
wrist). I learn basically by writing.
34. My
mum just confessed to me that she pronounced me a journalist since I was 18
months old, the f**ck am I doing in Health Sciences then.
35. I am so dropping Health sciences B.tech soon to continue my post graduate field
in Communication studies. Shiiiiiet!!
36. I
am a Lautech babe.
37. From
200level when I used to read at night classes with my friends and we stole each
other’s pens, I label all my pens with a paper including my name and matric
number till now in 500level.
38. I
fuss to drop my phone for you to scroll even when I have no shit on it.
39. Jezuz!!!
I will soon be 25 *Picks race to matrimony*
40. I
am from a separated family background, that scares me of marriage.
41. I
sound mean and crack tough jokes I wonder if I can take it. Yes I can!
42. I
have had a couple of relationship dispatch I call it “break off” cos none had
been officially face to face. We just free ourselves or just send it in texts.
43. I
am not one bit romantic nor the lovie-dovie girl tho I can send you a million
sweet texts and can be personally sexual to a fault.
44. My
daddy is a strong muslim, my mum is a strong Christian. I observe 5times solat
and grumble to follow my mum to church sometimes.
45. I
so love to give birth to very yellow babies, dey no yellow like this he go be
factory reject be that. Lobatan
46. Everyone
(my mofo cousins and friends) say I snore so I think I do.
47. My
nose never dries. I always have catarrh.
48. I
used to be a TDH (Tall, Dark & Handsome) girl when I was innocent but now
na all join. (No worhworh sha)
49. Omar
Epps used to be my celebrity crush.
50. I
wrote long pages of love poems I never accepted it as love letters cos I dint
address them to anybody.
51. I
had my first kiss few weeks to leave secondary school.
52. I
had tinny lumps of breast till I left secondary school and I was the youngest
senior.
53. I
had omitted teeth till SS2 class.
54. The
first liquor I tasted was Gordon Spark courtesy of my elder sister Kehinde.
55. I
have had my tatts and nose piercing before Yaradua became the president. Call
me bad!
56. I
have a total of 9 piercings only in my ears and nose, non on my pubic biko!
57. I
drink occasionally.(Vodka)
58. It
feels serene to be high.
59. I
stay in the BQ of a haunted white house for 5 years now in Ogbomosho and my landlady
is mentally hit.
60. I
love staying indoor (my room); barely see the sun in a week my next door
neighbours greet me “long time.”
61. I
love Bic biro and Schneider pen. Make my handwriting fine.
62. Hey!
I am a terrible neat freak. I don’t allow people to match my rug with their
shoes. I sweep like 9 times in a day, I arrange my wardrobe 24/7.
63. My
OCD is confirmed; I pick imaginary grains and dirt on my rug.
64. I
do not have gadgets (tv,dvd) in my room. I have a book shelf, reading table and
lamp. The only electrical appliance is my conjunction box and bulb.
65. But
I get I better pass my neighbor generator.
66. I
barely cook but I can make Eba for 40 boys, cook Porridge for 20 people, Spagg
for 32, Indomie for a nation with pepper, Beans for a congregation, Vegatbles
for 4 dozens of people, Amala for 6.
67. I
can fry 10 bunches of plantain in 1000 slices but will eat half before served.
68. I
have epileptic form of appetite, I am one moment a glutton next a scavenger.
69. Recently, I go 2 days without any substantial meal but can stab you in the neck if you
attempt to put your hand in my bowl.
70. I
don’t think I have a best food but I can savor plantain with any dish. (even
shit)
71. I
am not a mummy’s girl tho but she calls me like 6 times daily, has a spare key
to my room, creeps in on me anytime.
72. I
have had sex in my room before.
73. I
can be genophobic (phobia for sex) yet a semi-nymphomaniac when am getting a
good one.
74. I
think I kiss well, I suck at touching and yes I scream and shake.
75. I
don’t close my eyes when I kiss, I always wana see what incantation you are
reciting while chewing my lips.
76. I
do not snub I can just be utterly unresponsive.
77. I
run away from dramas but find peaceful measures to spill my mind. (usually
through text).
78. I
have had really complicated relationships but now I am fine.
79. Yes!
your boyfriends text me.
80. I
stopped fussing over whatever ish now I just stay apathetic. (unmoved)
81. I
have never raised my fists to fight before. (one of my greatest achievements)
82. I
suck at keeping malice. I would have asked you for credit transfer before I
remember we are fighting.
83. A
lot of people find me funny and don’t take me serious
84. I
am not a very formal person.
85. I
believe whatever you tell me and expect to be believed too.
86. I
usually don’t have cause to lie but I can post boys a lot sha.
87. I
try always to stay open yet I am a tunnel of deep secrets.
88. I
have been keeping a diary for 6 years so I have a lot of names penned down.
89. I
read serial killer novels no romance, James Patterson is my best author.
90. My
best friend’s name is Shade Imam.
91. I
rarely say “I love you.”
92. I
am a tailoring apprentice that’s why you find me vagabond(ing) about in UndaG
(school area) looking for embroidery threads up and down.
93. I
love to become a publicist, a compere.
94. Black
is my best colour of clothing I paint my nails and eyes black always.
95. I
am a simple dresser, but not the regular girlish kind.
96. I
love ripped jeans and I can kill for footwears.
97. I
spray half a dozen of cheap body spray I end up smelling like Mortein. Lol I
mean nice joor.
98. I
just started getting my exact jean size from the store yet I slim-fit the waist
by 3inches.
99. Hey!
I am straight (not even Bi).
100. Girls like me and turn it into undue
hate. Oh well! I am used to it.
101. I fence a defensive un-confrontable
outlook naturally. I don’t know how that happens.
102. I keep alot of dates in my head.
103. I am humour-drunken I share my origin
bitters with bike men.
104 I am not a good dancer but writer.
105. Too soon, I wanna become a label name.
106. I chop knuckle with the kiddos on my
local street. Yea I am their hero!
107. I love it when people on my bbm list
copy and use my pm caption. I feel like a poet laureate.
108. I became active on twitter in 2012, I
used to tweet a lot. Verified celebs retweet me lol wash.
109. I can only deal with male attraction by
indifference.
110. It takes me just 8 minutes to bath cos I
play a 4 minutes track on repeat twice in the bathroom.
111. I thought to write this when nobody
challenged me to write #20FactsAboutMyself on Instagram so what do I have a
blog for when I can write more sef.
112. I laugh so horribly you’ll join me in
laughing for no reason.
113. I barely watch movies. I read Arnold
Schwarzenegger’s "True lies" movie in a novel when I was 10.
114. It sucks to bite fingers and touch
oneself. I don’t do neither. If i do I sure would tell you.
115. I day-dream, think aloud, talk to myself
end up writing as a result of deep imagination.
116. I am not rich nor broke I pray to buy
my mummy a private jet to Paris soon. Amen!
117. I get hungry and horny too.
118. I no dey vex.
119. I don't take things personally I freestyle a lot.
120. You might a need a dico beside you when I text you first in the morning and late at night.
121. I am sure a T customer of Amala joints in
Ibadan and Ogbomosho.
122. I love to snap pictures but i rarely get
anyone to snap me I take all my pics from top.
123. Anything posh about me? i can be well
reserved and i smile smashingly.
124. I like him slammed-head & bearded, a
bit rough looking on a cute Mohawk.
125. I have a strand of razness in me I speak
real conc. Yoruba.
126. Cant remember the last time i was
officially toasted.
127. I loose my senses under hot sun, when I am sleepy and hungry.
128. I bury myself indoor (my room) reading
my Physiology textbook my best aspect is Respiratory Physiology and Reproductive
Physiology. shit! I hate Biochemistry.
129. Get close to me you'll like me more and
regret the bad perspective you ever had about me.
130. People judge me and mis-conclude me by
appearance. am sorry I cant look any less.
1131. I say "Emabinu" alot lest I chop slap.
132. My best hairstyle is Full Fringe. It
covers my slate forehead (opon).
133. I don't get jealous my boyfriend is our
boyfriend but I can be coldly possessive.
134. I love the good life I know what
hardship and lack is.
135. I don't kiss and tell.
136. I will be caught dead still on black lingerie... #MySexyLoveForBlack
137. My mum forces me to read the daily bible
book. *sighs*
138. Disgusting but true, I fart well and
belch louldly before my dumb friends turned it into culture. I dropped the
shitty habit for them.
139. I choose my friends tho I reckon with
only 30% peeps who claim to know me in my school.
140 I think I am popular. x_x
141. I don't fix my eyelashes cos of my bad
sight I love to wear fine shades of contact lenses to look foreign.
142. I wrote
this non-stop till 134. see how I want to murder you with facts about me.
143. I flirt openly on TL i ignore DMs
144. I sort of find this dumb but am enjoying
it. I have just 7000 traffic on my blog and I need more wonder how that adds
to my GP or account balance but will make me happy.
145. I am human.
I love you all
Sa'eedah
